


Wedded Bliss

by BananaRaptor



Series: Spacemarried: A Sexy Odyssey [5]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Marvel Cinematic Universe, Star Trek, Star Wars - All Media Types, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Crossover, Except Loki, Happy Ending, M/M, Nonnies Made Me Do It, Outer Space, Threesome - M/M/M, Weddings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-17
Updated: 2015-10-17
Packaged: 2018-04-26 19:56:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 5,143
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5018293
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BananaRaptor/pseuds/BananaRaptor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>As Spock, Dobby and Darth Vader's wedding nears a disaster calls Dobby and Spock away on Space Police business... of LOVE!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Roses are red  
> Violets are probably violet idk  
> poetry is hard

In the depths of space, full of wondorous marvels of science, like rocks and planets and aliens and sattelites and millions and billions and quadrillions of assorted crap that aliens and humans and whatever else around just sort of left everywhere. While this made space a really bad place to lose your keys, it also made it a very good place to find a cake for your wedding. 

Which was nice when you were planning a space-wedding. And you kind of had to if you were marrying a sith lord like Darth Vader. And if you were picky about the frosting like Spock was. 

”Eew, not lemon that's just gross!” Spock said, ”Nobody likes lemon frosting, we can't get that!”

”How about vanilla?” Darth Vader said patiently, ”Nobody really dislikes Vanilla.”

”Nobody really likes it either.”

”Fair enough. Chocolate?” 

”Dobby doesn't get why we even need a cake, wizards never use a cake!” Dobby whined, tired of the hour long discussion about frosting. 

”It's sith tradition.” Darth Vader said. Even if they weren't going with a traditional sith wedding (namely because finding a baby ewok to sacrifice would be hard this time of year) they did want to respect Darth Vaders culture by incorporating aspects of it in the ceremony. 

”Also a logical choice for tastyness.” Spock added. 

Dobby sighed. He dreaded how long this would take once his lovers found out they could get little marzipan decorations for the cake as well. Vader seemed to feel bad about Dobby's discomfort, and gently reached over and stroked the little elf's bony hand. 

”What do you suggest? If wizards have a better idea, maybe we could try that.”

”They don't,” Dobby squeaked, ”They just don't use a cake either. Mainly a wizard wedding involves never speaking the name of evil anything, reciting the vows while a man yodles loudly to keep evil from hearing them being spoken, and then having a very quiet party while the man yodles to keep evil from hearing the food's name being spoken, and you can only call the bride and groom They-who-shouldn't be named-but-are-totally-paying-for-this so that...”

”So evil doesn't hear?” Darth Vader asked, and Dobby nodded. ”You guys have issues with evil hearing things.” Darth Vader concluded. 

Suddenly captain Kirk came running in, ”SPOCK AND DOBBY WE NEED TO DO SOMETHING IMMEDEATLY! Also sorry about interrupting your wedding planning but THIS IS SUPER SERIOUS THERE MIGHT BE WAR!” 

”what? Jesus fuck captain stop shouting.” Spock said. 

”Ah yes, sorry!” Captain Kirk said suavely, ”I apologize for pulling you away from your plans, but there is a crisis situation is Asgard! As my top agents I don't trust anyone else with this, and need you to go. If this situation gets out of hand the war might CONSUME THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE!”

”Even the galaxies far far away?” Darth Vader asked nervously. 

”Especially those!”KIrk said, somehow managing to seem grave and serious despite that he was getting a massive erection. 

Spock sighed deeply. ”Captain please tell me your boner isn't for everything getting destroyed.” 

Kirk didn't even look down, but struck a heroic pose, ”Spock, I only have boners for ADVENTURE! Now get going you two, this needs to be handled quick.” and then he turned and left. 

Though he quickly poked his head back in to add, ”Also green skinned alien babes, I also get boners for those, and I probably got this boner because I'm not used to going this long without having sex with one, but in the metaphorical sense, I only get boners for adventure.” 

”Thank you for specifying captain, I was wondering what was up wit that.” Spock said.

”What a great man!” Darth Vader added. 

”But what about the wedding? Dobby doesn't want there to be war but Dobby also doesn't want to leave Darth Vader alone with all this planning.”

”It would be illogical to be that thoughtless.” Spock said sadly. 

”It's okay,” Darth Vader said, ”We've already done a lot. We sent invitations out, Spock and Dobby, you have the stuff you wore for your wedding to each other, and we got someone to do the ceremony and we agreed on coctail weiners for hors d'øvres. I'll be fine, go save the universe.”

”Is Darth Vader sure? Dobby thinks this might get really overwhelming fast with all the guests and your family arriving and all.”

”Logically,” Spock added, ”Since there is two of us, one of us can go to Asguard and the other can stay.”

”I'm fine!” Darth Vader laughed, ”Fate of the universe depends on you two, go ahead!” 

”Okay then. We love you and call if there's problems.” Dobby said, before running out to get beamed to Assgard. 

Spock quickly kissed Darth Vader on the cheek quickly, ”Don't get chocolate frosting either, my mom's allergic. Love you!” Then he ran after Dobby. 

Darth Vader turned his attention back to the cake catalogue. 

 

In the beaming room Spock and Dobby had already made themselves ready to beam down. Kirk was sitting by, ready to beam them and simultaneously having sex with an alien. Gravely, he gave them a thumbs up before beaming them down. 

Whatever Spock and Dobby had prepared for, it certainly wasn't this: Assgourd was in a complete state of chaos, with fighting everywhere and giant viking gods shouting insults at each other and tearing up the landscape. In the middle of it all was a skinny green-clad figure with a bizzare hat trying to keep everyone from killing everyone in an increasingly high pitched panicked tone of voice. 

”Holy fuck!” Spock said.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have recently been worried that some might find id offensive and tr*ggering that I make the stories about men putting stuff in each oth*rs butt and that some might think I am being a fetishizing mysogynicistic whose racist against vagina for doing this. I would just like to reassure those readers th*t I am in fact a velociraptor and velociraptors can't be misogynists, as we are, of course, a minority. 
> 
> Furthermore I am only calling white women stupid skanky hoes and that's okay, because we all know that white women are the worst and are actually entirely at fault for the patriarchy and all forms of racism and transphobia and all isms ever, and that they are also literally Satan himself, sent from the underworld to destroy us. Thank you for your time.

Uhura skanked skankily down the hall like the stupid skanky hoe she is. She was super jealous of the wedding between Spock Dobby and Darth Vader and she was going to go right in there and be a bitch about it, she had decided. 

In the ship bay in the Starship Fischerprice, a big ship was arriving. Darth Vader was very tired from all the planning he'd done in the previous days, but was looking forward to his family coming and maybe helping him out a little. 

As soon as the Death Star was parked and the bridge lowered from it, Luke and Leia rushed down to hug Darth Vader. 

”Daddy daddy!” They cheered and Luke immedeatly launched into a long story about all the cool spaceships they'd passed, while Leia complained about Emperor Palpatine's driving and that he'd been farting the entire trip with nasty old man farts. 

”I missed you two.” Darth Vader said. 

Palpatine slowly shuffled down the bridge towards the group, muttering under his breath about kids these days being on his lawn because that is what old people do. When he finally reached them, he was quickly swept into the group hug. 

”Missed you as well.” Darth Vader said. 

”I missed you too, Vader. Death Star isn't the same without you, so get married and honeymooning so I can get you back!” Palpatine laughed. Then he farted. 

Once everyone had settled into their rooms, they all met up in the Staship Enterprises cafeteria for a cup of coffee and to talk about how to get planning on the wedding. 

”Did you get a cake? Is is tasty?” Luke asked. 

”Yes, I ordered a nice one with strawberry frosting and white marzipan roses, I think it'll...” 

”What the hell kind of sith has a pink and white wedding cake?” Emperor Palpatine interrupted, ”You need a dark and evil cake! Like chocolate! Chocolate is much more evil than strawberry!” 

Darth Vader sighed, ”Spock's mom's allergic, and that one matches Dobby's wedding dress.” 

Emperor Palpatine huffed, but did not keep arguing. He did, however, keep farting. 

”I also made a seating plan, called the space pope and I've looked at some flowers, but I haven't ordered any. I think maybe some that match the cake.” Darth Vader continued.

”It sounds so dreamy!” Leia said.

”Did you at least order a ballpit?” Emperor palpatine complained. 

”Of course,” Darth Vader said, ”That's tradition.” 

with that out of the way, they started setting up tables and folding napkins. Or rather, Darth Vader set up tables and folded napkins while Luke and Leia got distracted and played laser battle, and Emperor Palpatine sat around and complained about the seating arrangement. Apparantly he was worried that spocks relatives might fart near him and make it unbearable to sit. Darth Vader had wisely kepthis mouth shut. 

When Darth Vader had finally arranged the tables so they worked, they had to revisit the eseating plan, and when the seating plan was revisited they had to doit again because Luke blew his nose on it and they forgot what they were doing. 

Then palpatine was arguing abou thte cake again (liqurice was also eviler than pink) but Darth Vader refused to get that one and it was a big stressy fight. 

Suddenly Uhura strutted in, right up to Darth Vader and said: 

”WOW YOU SURE DID A SHIT JOB BUT THAT IS FITTING FOR A SHIT WEDDING!” 

”Hello Uhura.” Darth Vader sighed. 

”You are so much dumber than me.” Uhura said, crossing her arms over her skanky breasts and smirking smugly. Her skanky skanky slutbreasts she had because she is a skank. 

”I'm trying to plan my wedding, please stop.” 

”Your wedding sucks nards!” she schreecjed.

”Yeah well, your a BUTTHOLE!” Luke said, valiantly defending his father. 

”An ugly one.” Leia added. 

Angry at the sick burn she had suffered Uhur huffed, stuck her tongue out and left. But on her way out, she slipped the wedding catlogue in her purse, just to make everyones day alittle worse. 

And it sure did. 

 

*

spock and Dobby had in the meantime landed on Assgourd and managed douse down the fighting from yelling and hitting down to just yelling. 

”now what is all this illogical nonsense about?” Spock asked. 

”WE'RE YELLING BECAUSE WE'RE MAD!” all the aeisir yelled. 

”Why are you mad?” Dobby asked, 

”BECAUSE THINGS AREN'T GOING THE WAY WE WANT THEM TO!” 

”what?” Spock said, ”What are youn all talking aboit?” 

”A WEDDING IS HAPPENING AND WE ALL SHIP IT SO FUCKING HARD!”

”Isn't that agood thing?” Dobby asked. 

”NO BECAUSE THEY WON'T GET MARRIED! OUR FEELS, MAN! IT'S HURTING OUR FEELS!” 

”Dobby can see why you're yeling and hitting people, your feels are very serious business.” Dobby said worriedly.  
”Calm your titties,” Spock interjected gruffly, ”We're the space police here to solve your problem!” 

”FUCK OFF SPACE POLICE, YOU DIDN'T GET INVITED OH MY GOD” 

”But if you don't want us tohelp, then who called us?” Dobby asked. 

”It was me!” a lithe beautiful green figue with a ridiculous hat stepped out of the crowd, ”I need you to save me from all these crazy shippers!” and then Loki fainted delicately.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you know about this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qmbM3faGN-I
> 
> Because I just saw it and I'm very flattered someon liekd it enuf to read it up for ppl :D :D

The inside of castle asgard was beautiful and shiny, like one of those really fancy restaurants. Loki was weeping on the weeping couch, inconsolable that the space police had not been able to save him yet. His mom and dad held fast, that he was not to get out of his obligations because they were uncaring buttholes. 

Spock and Dobby had managed to piece together that poorn innocent victim Loki had used the internet to call the police because his parents were forcing him to marry someone, but it hadn't been noticed until it had gone viral on twitter and now they were already setting up decorations. 

”You are getting married and that's final!” Lokis mom Frida said, ”This is for the good of the kingdom!”

Lokis dad burped and tried to hit Loki, but fell over like the big dumb butt he was. 

”But mother!” wailed Loki, ”I don't want to get married! I want to ride through the glen with my hair flowing in the breeeze!”

”Sad shit!” 

”Buteth brother, ” Lokis handsome bachelor brother Thor said, ”Nick fury iseth theth prettiest princess in alleth of the lands, everyone wantseth to be marriedeth to him!” 

”I know he looks just like Samuel L. Jackson,” Loki sobbed, ”But I don't want to be marrriiiieeeed!” 

”Tough titties!” Fregga said, ”If we don't marry someone to the earth princess Nick Fury there'll be a war!” 

It was certainluy a very tough dilemma. 

*

Back on the starship Fischerprice Darth was having a very bad day. He neede to buy a d ress, but the guests were already arriving, inculding the space pope, Benedict Crubmlefratch. Benedict Cumbylumby was a very fancy guest and could not be ignored, but Darth was just so busy he had barely had time to prepare for the popely spaceship to arrive. 

To make matters worse, some of the other guests were bringing their drama with them. Destiel and Sterek had both been invited, but then they'd broken up and now Sterek had brought his new boyfriend Toplock, who was a nice guy, really, but he had this idiot following him around who kept shrieking about pedophilia while masturbating furiously to baby animals. It wasn't ideal to be around, even without Destiel pouting. 

Suddenly, as if sensing the opportunity to worsen Darth Vaders stress, a yell echoed in the starship enterprees: 

”STILES HATE CONDOM!!” someone screamed, who was probably named Stiles.

”STILES WEAR CONDOM OR HULK NO GIVE BUTTSEX!” Hulk shouted back.

”STILES HATE CONDOM!”

”WELL HULK NOT FUCKING WANT TO CATCH THE CLAP SO STILES GET HIS ASS IN GEAR AND PUT ON CONDOM!” 

Oh great. Now Stiles and the Hulk were having a row. Darth Vader started running towards the noise, and found them screaming at each other in front of his wide eyed son and several other guests, including Death, Dick Booping and several ponies and seals. 

”STILES DON'T CARE IF STILES GET CLAP!” Stiles yelled. 

”Guy's please stop!” Darth Vader cried, trying to cover Luke's delicate ears, ”Please, the wedding need to be planned!” 

”STILES IS JACKASS! VERY HURTFUL TO HULK!” Hulk asserted.

”I know, but can you please stop screaming about buttsex? Think of the children!” 

”Yes, the chiildren!” Palpatine interrupted, ”Like the ones youslaughtered at the jedi temple. It was glorius.” 

Darth Vader groaned. Child murder was NOT what he wanted brought up on his wedding day. 

”You killed kids?” Luke asked, demonstating exactly why Darth hated explaining his past indiscretions. 

”LOTS OF THEM.” Death interjected. 

”I was really upset tho.” Darth Vader explained.


	4. Chapter 4

Meanwhile, on Asgård, Spock and Dobby were unraveling more and more sordid family history. Not only were the asgardians forcing innocent woobie Loki to marry the beautiful princess Nick Fury, they'd also driven him to act out by lashing out at his brother, and running off and having children illegintimately. 

Even worse, his son? A horse. 

What in the everloving heck these people had been doing to that kid was anyone's guess. 

Though in their defence, it was very politically important to have a son maried off to the earth princess Nick Furyso there wouldn't be a horrible war. But since Loki didn't want to, there was no solution! How horrible! 

Dobby sighed. He was very sad they couldn't think of a way to help. Spock also sighed because he was also sad. And all the asgardians sighed because they shipped it very hard but their ship wasn't going very well, what with Loki crying to not be included in it. 

And all around them everyone were getting ready for the wedding, while they were unable to even call Darth Vader and hear if he got a wedding dress. 

Or what flavor the cake was going to be.

Or any of the other millions of important details about their big day. 

”whateth areth youth soth sadeth abouteth?” asked Thor whop had been walking past them on the pretty pretty balcony, eating five poptarts. 

”We're getting married, to Darth Vader and we can't be there to plan. But we can't abandon your brother to go home because he wants to ride through the glen with his hair flowing in the breeze and doesn't want to get married.” said Dobby. 

”There is no logical solution.” Spock added, ”One of Asgardian royal family must marry princess Nick Fury.” 

”I feeleth foreth mine brothereth Loki, thougheth he isth beingth a littleth dramaticaleth. Princess Nick Fury is the prettieth of princesses and I wouldeth gladlyth haveth her, buth the weddingeth musteth goeth oneth.”

”It's a real pickle!” Dobby squeaked. 

 

*

at the starship voyager, the space pope, Benedict Crooperfraggle, had arrived, and Darth Vader was freaking out. 

Nothing was ready! Spock and Dobby hadn't called back! The pope's quarters weren't ready! He didn't even have a dress yet! And the guests were still ariving in droves. If only Spock and Dobby hadn't had so many friends they'd saved because they were space police. 

But he had to pull himself together. If Spock and Dobby could save Asgaurd from war, he could plan one little wedding. 

”You must be the lovely bride!” Benedict cjdkksurieoasldk hissed politely, as he was, of course, a space lizard, ”Nice to meet you Darth Vader!” 

”Nice to meet you too, pope Benedict Cucumberpatch.” Darth Vader replied politely, ”please have a seat at the bar, I'm sure there'splenty of, ...oh god no not that!” just then, emeperor Palpatine walked in and sat down right next to where Darth Vader had been pointing the pope.

”Hi darth!” He said cheerfully, ”Hi pope Honeycheeks!” and then he farted. 

Darth Vader impulsively did the only thing he could think of, and grabbed Palpatine, hauling him out of his seat. 

”I need to go get a dress! Come with me to get a dress!” He said, more panick in his voice than he wanted to let through. He couldn't just let emperor Palpatine call the pope HONEYCHEEKS! You just... don't do that. 

As if the force heard Darth Vaders distress and decided to take a big fat dump on top of it, Uhura skanked in. 

”'sup bitches!” she said, ”You look like a tramp, Vader.” 

then she saw the pope, and a sudden malevolent smile slid onto her face. 

”We're getting a wedding dress!” Palpatine said, cheerfully oblivious. 

”Yes.” Darth Vader said, afraid what Uhura might say to the pope in his absence, ”You should come you're so.... stylish.” 

at te wedding dress shop (There's shops for that right? IDK there is in space.) was a lovely little shop, where Darth Vader might have been comfortable, noting the lovely cream colour in the decour, and the faint smell of lavender if he hadn't been on the third fucking hour of trying on dresses that Palpatine all deemed slutty. Slut this, slut that, everything that wasn't a traditional sith robe was slutty according to him. Well, excuse Darth Vader if he didn't want six kilos of fabric draped over his already heavy, black respirator suit that he for obvious reasons couldn't take off. 

Luke and Leia weren't helping either. Luke had, five minutes into trying the first dress declared himself bored, and was periodically making whining groans just to signify how bored he was. Leia was busy declaring every dress in the store cuuuuuuute, and lobbying for Darth Vader to wear it, which was sweet, really, but half the dresses had already been declared slut slutty slut sluts slutdresses by emperror Palpatine. 

Uhura was, curiously enough the quietest of them. She just sat there with an unpleasant smirk that got wider and wider every time Darth Vader cringed at being called a slut. There was no doubt, he'd never hear the end of what a slut he was from her.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my muses and I worked so long on thos i hoep you sll like it ^-^ 
> 
> muse: omg wtf lol
> 
> me: yes lol
> 
> muse: k then

On Asgård the wedding preperations were also in full swing. Great big pumpkins were brought in for the feast, and decorations were being hung and shitloads of mead were being brought in all amidst the people in shiny tight spandex who were arriving to attend the ceremony. It was very arousing and sad for Loki at the same time. 

But the closer the wedding ceremony got, the less it seemed that Spock and Dobby could think of to help. 

It all culminated in Loki running panickedly in a wedding dress up to Spockknand Dobby, shrieking,,

”HELP ME SPOCK AND DOBBY OH MY GOD THE CEREMONY IS ALMOST STARTING”

”We're sorry,” Dobby squeaked, ”But we can't think of anything!”

”If only we had more time. It would be logical that tht would help us think of something.” Spcok said. 

They thought very very hard and then suddenly Spocks mighty logic skills came up with a plan! But first they had to get Thor. 

 

*

When Darth Vader had finally found a dress (though still, according to Palpatine, a somehwta slutty one) they returned to the starship Fischerprice to find the tables had been moved, and the seating plan was horribly out of order. Even worse, the cake had shown up and nobody put it in the refrigerator, and none of the rooms for the guests were ready yet, and Anne of Green Gables and her many many pregnant wives and husbands had shown up and were listening to Uhura of all people and her undoubtedly skanky lies. Darth Vader should have known something was up when she rushed ahead on the way home. 

”...and he chose the SLUTTIEST dress!” Uhura finished skankily, making several of Anne of Green Gable's wives gasp. 

”told you it was slutty.” Palpatine mumbled. 

Darth >Vader sighed, ready to let it go, but Leia seemingly had other plans and almost shireked out:

”The dress isn't slutty, you're just being a butthole!” 

”It is too!” Uhura said.

”No it isn't.” Luke said interruptingly, as he pulled said dress out of its bag, ”It's right here.” 

”See!” Uhura skanked triumphantly, ”Slutty as all fuk!” 

then Leia pushed her. Then she pushed back. Then Leia pushed her again and the catalogue she stole back in chapter one fell out of her pocket!!!!

Uhura grabbed at the catalogue, but Leia was too fast, and snatched the other end.. they pulled at it and fought over it yelling at each other to ”stop stealing and being such a skank,” and to ”Fuck off and slut it up with your slutty slut ass dad” for several minutes before the catalogue suddenly tore in two, sending them each flying in opposite directions. Leia bumped into Luke, who bumped into the cake that was still standing out, getting the wedding dress soiled and the cake ruined, and Uhura landed on her skanky ass right in the middle of the floor. 

The room was silent for a minute. Then Uhura got up and skanked off, happily to have ruinedly the weddingly. 

Just in time for new guests to arrive. Vader choked back his tears and made ready to get everyone settled, deciding he would have to fix the cake later, and maybe the dress if he could. He just had to find a couple of people to finally put the cake in the damn refrigerator, and he'd be good. He could still save this wedding! 

He found Jim and Blair that were really More Spock and Dobby's friends, but that he knew a little, and steered through the crowd towards them, calling otu their names. Unfortunately, as he came close, he saw that they were both high off their ass on sex pollen. 

 

”Hello Darth Vader! Congadulations on your wedding! Want some pollen?” Jim said. Blair nodded. 

”It's good stuff!” he agreed. 

”Ah guys, not in front of my kids.” Darth Vader protested, ”in fact, weren't one of you guys allergic to that stuff?”

”Not anymore!” Blair enthused, ”We're both good to go thanks to Dobbys magical healing cock!” 

”We're looking so much forward to thanking him again!” Jim said. 

Unfortunately, just then, Uhura lost the grip on the stolen catalogue, sending it flying across the room and right into jim, who was holding a huge bag of sex pollen, spreading it all over the room! 

For a minture everyone froze. Then chaos broke out. 

Captain Kirk humped everything in sight! Emperor Palpatine spooged on the pope! Stiles and hulk fucked without a condom and immideatly got the clap! Anne of Green Gables screwed her million wives all at once with her giant cock!

And in the middle of it was Darth Vader whose suit had saved him from getting affected, and Luke and Leia who were too young to be really into it, but were making disturbing eyes at each other. 

It was just too much for Darth Vader to handle. The cake was ruined, the dress was ruined, Spock and Dobby weren't there and every bit of planning he'd done kept getting ruined. He cried a single crystalline tear, grabbed Luke and Leia, hauling them away from the sexxxing and into their seperate rooms, returned to his Spock and Dobby's room, and started sobbing.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i think I rly got thors speech pattern down

”Whatheht isth youreth planeth?” Thor asked Spcok and Dobby now that they had gotten him. 

”Allright, this is a bit complicated,” Spock answered, ”But you and Loki are brothers.”

”yeseth” 

”that makes you and Loki related.”

”yeseth.”

”this makes both of you members of the same family.”

”yeseth.”

”therefore you are both asguardian royalty.” 

”...yeseth.”

”and Nick Fury needs to marry an assgardian royal prince.”

”yeseth. But what does all this have to do with us?” Thor wailed. 

”Logically, both you or Loki could marry him and it would still count and there wouldn't be war! YOU CAN MARRY NICK FURY THOR”

”HOTETH DIGGETYTH!” Thor exclaimed joyously, as he had secretly harbored quite a crush on the beautiful princess. 

”But what about all the asgardians who ship Loki/NIck Fury?” asked Dobby, ”they'll never change their ship!” 

”We'll have to go nuclear on this one.” Spock said. 

”You don't mean...?” Dobby asked.

”Noteth a....” Thor exclaimed. 

”Yes!” Said Spock, ”We have to make a callout blog on tumblr and tell them their ship is problematic!” 

*

 

the shipwide sexpollen fueled orgy went on for hours before it wound down and everyone noticed Darth Vader was gone. 

”Oh no!” Said Jim and Blair, ”He must be upset.”

”I don't blame him.” Anne of Green Gables said, ”Breaking out into an orgy wasn't terribly polite of us.”

”MAYBE HULK BE MORE SENSITIVE ABOUT HIS LANGUAGE.” Hulk added.

”WE WERE RATHER TACTLESS, REMINDING HIM OF HIS PAST.” Death agreed. 

”STILES HATE FEELING OF GUILT” 

and so they all came around to realising that Darth Vader had actually had a pretty stressful day and they'd all been quite rude about it and they all felt like buttholes. 

Luckily they could all work together to make it better. They picked up the remainder of the cake and sent Jim and Blair out for a new one just like it. One of Anne of Green Gables many many wives were luckily a seamstress and able to save to dress, and they all cleaned up the party deck on the starship entherpries and decorated it with pink and white decorations and emperor Palpatine went and fixed the seating plan. 

Finally they went up to Darth Vaders and Dobbys and Spocks room and called him to apologize.

”Darth Vader we are super sorry your wedding got busted!”

”I'm not.” Uhura skanked, but everyone ignored her.

Darth Vader finally opened the door slightly, his helm full of single crystalline tears. 

”Really?” 

”We've cleaned up the place and made ready for the wedding, and we're sorry for not helping before.” Everyone except Uhura said. 

”Okay then.” Darth Vader replied, and finally came out of the room to see. 

The decoratiosn were very pretty and the new cake was even better than the old one. It was all that Darth Vader could have ever hope for.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is teh ending lol, I cried everytiem its so beutiful :.)

On Assgourd, the wedding was starting. Loki was sobbing in his wedding dress at the altar, while Nick Fury solemly walked down the aisle. 

WHEN SUDDENLY Spock Dobby and Thor broke in the doors yelling madly! 

”STOP THE WEDDING!” 

everyone stopped and turned to them, shocked. 

”But why?” Asked Odin. 

”Because you can't marry these two by order of the space police!” Dobby squeaked. 

”BUT WE SHIP IT SO HARD!” all the asgourdians yelled. 

”Y'all need to check your privelige and your tumblrs RIGHT NOW!” Spock added. 

”Father! Loki doeseth noth hath to marrieth the princess! I am also a prince of Asguard!” Thor exclaimed. And then he explained to his father how he could actually marry the princess and they'd still avoid a war. 

Meanwhile, all the asguardians checked their tumblrs and saw the callout posts and immediatly changed their ships to be non-problematic becaue they weren't assholes. 

And so Loki an off to ride through the glen with his hair flowing in the breeze while Thor borrowed his wedding dress and took his place at the altar. 

”So we're continuing?” Oding asked, ”You okay with this princess Nick Fury?” 

”MOTHAFUCKA!” said princess Nick Fury, ”DOES HE LOOK LIKE A BITCH?” 

but since Thor did indeed not look like a bitch but rather had sexy long hair and sexy muscles the wedding continued and they were all very happily married. 

Afterwards, they all sat down to eat, right after they had all bashed a pumpkin with their foreheads at the table, to show their strenght and prowess, as is custom in Assguard. Then they had many lovely dishes of appleas and fruit soup and ranch dressing (which one screeching lady ate by the bucketful) and onions. 

And when the beautiful wedding was over the next day, Spock and Dobby went home to the starship Fischerprice. 

The bridge was empty and deserted when they got there. 

”Hello” called spcok and Dobby. 

They went further into the dark ship until they got to the party deck, which was also dark. Suddenly everyone jumped out yelling,

”Surprice! It's wedding time!” 

and Spock and Dobby quickly ran to get changed into their wedding dresses and returned to the party deck, justas Eric cumberbatch set up the altar. 

The cake was a lovely pink strawberry cake with white marzipan roses, and the decorations all matched. It was very lovely. 

Then, downd the aisle, cma ethe most beautiful sight they had ever seen: Darth Vader in a shimmering black wedding dress, striding confidently down to the altar. He was positively glowing. 

”Darth Vader!” Spock and Dobby said simoustaneously. 

”I've missed you guys!” DarthVader said. 

”we missed you too” Spcok rumbled. 

And then the space pope, Benedict bandersnatch, asked them:

”Do you Spock, take Dobby and Darth Vader to be spacehusbands forever and ever?”

”Yes that is logical!” Spock answered. 

”Do you, Dobby take Spock and Darth Vader to be spacehusbands for ever and ever?”

”Yes! Oh yes” squeaked Dobby

”And do you, Darth Vader, take Spock and Dobby to be spacehusbands forever and ever?” 

”Yes!” Darth Vader answered.

And just like that, they were married. 

And they hugged and kissed and had a giant party, and everyone got an extra hour in the ballpit and they lived happily ever after. 

They all lived happily ever after.

Except for Loki.


End file.
